S broached the topic again about moving in to stay with his parents. What triggered this conversation was when my mil fell ill for a few days and no one was around to take her to see a doctor. Only fil and bil and helper were staying with her. Fil was travelling that period and Bil was out. Helper had to call my sil to bring mil to see a doctor. I guess S felt really guilty about not being around. This coupled with L’s impending Primary One registration change of rule got him thinking about moving in together. With the new rule, we have to move to the new house ideally within 1km of the preferred primary school 30 months before registration. This will give us only two more years to plan and move since L is coming to two years old.
My stand on staying with in laws has always been stay near but not under the same roof to avoid conflicts. This way we can extend help to each other when needed and yet still have our own privacy. I spent quite a number of years staying on my own and I’ve been very used to my own habits. I’m also OCD about so many things and these idiosyncrasies of mine will definitely cause argument. I know myself too well and I’m apprehensive about living together with my in-laws. Even my mother agrees to that. I think even if I move back to my own family; it’ll be difficult for both parties to adjust and adapt.
S reminded me that I agreed to stay together with his parents before we got married. I somehow very vaguely remember. His points of argument revolve around filial piety, not many more years left to look after them, my promise to him prior to marriage etc. All his points are valid and I agree with him. My main concern is the potential disagreements in terms of personality differences, living habits, disciplining L etc that will sandwich S between his parents and I. All these will cause us to drift apart and potentially affect our marriage. However, S said that it has already shaken his trust in me. He even said that if he’d known about my reaction now, he’d have reconsidered his decision to marry me. Even more hurting was when he said that in the worst scenario, he would choose to take care of his parents and take L along with him. After some thinking, I’ve decided to save the marriage by backing down, biting the bullet and giving it a go to staying together. Hope it turns out well; wish me luck.