#127 – Where Has My Daughter Gone?

L is usually a darling sweetheart who is loved by everyone she meets. But this day, she seemed to be a different person. She ran into the lift without waiting for me and when I admonished her, she did not ant to have any eye contact with me.

Before entering the house, I wanted to “settle the unfinished business” with her but she kept running away. To avoid creating a scene outside, I got her into the house to talk some sense into her. And it continues…

Not only did she run away from me, she kept humming tunes to “shut my voice” out. It was so annoying! When I held onto her, she even talked back at me! I couldn’t believe my ears and I was utterly shocked at her defiance. I smacked her hand twice but she didn’t seem to be afraid of the punishment. When it happened again, I smacked the back of her hand really hard and that’s when she started crying. I also then got to know that she lied to me regarding finishing the worksheet that I asked her to do the night before.

I was really disappointed and at the same time, furious. I threw the worksheets out of the front door and asked her to finish it outside before coming back in. She was wailing by then. I allowed her to come in but only at the doorstep. She had to finish it there. Let me qualify why I did what I did: I would be totally fine if she had told me that she needed more time to complete the worksheet. I got really upset cos of her lie and bad behavior. To me, that’s totally unacceptable.

When S came home at that time, he started another round of scolding and L, crying. Another punishment for her; she was not allowed to play with her toys until we said so. S also did not bring her out for a promised bus ride. He did not want to bring her out for dinner with my family and not allow her to sleep with us that night. Upon advice from my sister who’s a specialist in early childhood, we took her to dinner as that’s bonding time with family. We also allowed her to sleep with us cos we took the opportunity to revisit what happened that day and to “right” her from wrong.

#115 – Explaining Death to a 3-Year Old

L asked me if I’ve a father and a mother and I replied yes, of course. So I started explaining the family tree to her. My mother is Popo. She then asked about my father. I said my father is Gong Gong and he is in heaven. She said why? Told her that he was old, fell sick, passed away and went to heaven. She paused for a long time and we chatted about other things.

Then suddenly she said Gong Gong is in heaven. I was like….yes I know, we are talking about the same person. She asked if he’s there to meet his friends n I said yes. Then she asked who his friends are and I said his sister is one of them.

I explained further that when he passed away, he lives in our heart. Just as quickly but definitely after much considered thought, she asked when all of us die, whose heart do we live in. Coming out from a 3-year old plus girl, I think it’s pretty amazing.

She’s perceptive and is trying to understand abstract concepts. I guess death and divorce are difficult concepts for children.

 

#109 – Teachers’ Pet

Being an obedient and loving sweetheart, it’s not difficult to understand that L is one of her teachers’ pets in class.

During her swim class today, L’s teachers stopped by the pool-side with their afternoon class students to watch L swim a full lap. They were cheering her on! It was very nice to see that the school environment is such a supportive and positive one. The campus may be old but it more than made up in other more important ways.

#107 – Conflict Resolution

 

“Your mouth is smelly. I don’t want to sit next to you. Go to another seat.” That was what L’s best friend in class said to her last Friday. L bottled it up inside her and only let me know about it when I noticed her being extremely quiet and sad looking before bedtime on Friday night. With a bit of probing, she told me what happened to her that day.

She considered this girl to be her best friend and plays with her a lot during school time. I can really see that it broke her heart when she said that to her. I asked L what she said or did when she heard it and L told me that she moved away and found another seat. My heart was torn into pieces. I am upset that my little girl was unable to stand up to the “not-so-nice” comments and failed to react in a more confident way. There’s no way that her mouth was smelly since she drinks plenty of water and she practices good oral hygiene by brushing properly after every meal. But then again, I realized that L is only 3 years old and as a parent, I need to educate and reinforce to her over and over again on how to deal with such conflicts. She must learn to be able to handle it well cos similar events are bound to happen again, that’s a certainty.

I shared with L’s teacher and asked for her opinion as I recognized that it was a learning moment. I must say that I was rather disappointed with her response. She brushed it aside and said that it’s probably just a fart. She assured me that she would speak with that classmate of L’s. So when I picked L up later that day, the teacher updated me that she spoke with the both of them and got them to hug and make up after an apology. Hmmm, I wonder if there’s a better way to approach this type of issues in pre-school children.

#106 – Fair Weather Mama

When Baby A was born, he was lighter than L and not as chubby as L. As he grew over the weeks, one double eyelid appeared and then the second appeared out of the blue. That really changed his looks. Suddenly, he became very good-looking and an absolutely handsome baby. My heart loves him even more then, even though he doesn’t chuckle like L and definitely not easily tickled like his elder sister. But overall, he’s still pretty responsive.

And then today, as he is nearing 5 months old, he woke up with only one double eyelid and the left one disappeared quite as suddenly as it appeared. Now that altered his looks a great deal. He’s not looking as good as before. I’m really trying not to be a superficial and fair weather mama. And probably that’s why I’m penning this down to get it off my chest. I should be grateful that he’s one healthy and smart (at least he looks intelligent) baby. I should be grateful that I’m blessed with one cute and happy daughter, followed by a lovely son. I should be counting my blessings. I ought to be…

 

#104 – Care Bear

Is it really possible for a 3-year old girl to exhibit caring attributes? I think so cos I witnessed it myself.

I brought L to the playground downstairs as it’s one of her favourite places. There were about 5 kids already in the playground and they were playing barefoot. After running around a few times, I saw her picking up the twigs from the ground. When I asked her why she’s doing that, she explained that she didn’t want the twigs to prick the kids’ feet. I was pleasantly surprised at her thoughtfulness despite such young age. I started picking up the twigs with her.

And then another day, when my mum was bending over the cot, talking to Baby A, L brought her a chair and asked her to sit so that it’s more comfortable for her. She then placed a little giraffe stool next to the cot and stood on it so she can chat to Baby A. Her subtle little acts are so endearing and make everyone love her so much more.