It has always been my dream to see the Aurora Borealis. But because it takes some degree of planning and I’m too lazy to do it, I never get to fulfil this wish (until now, that is). S knows that and he did the planning and booking excitedly, which was rather rare given that he’s never been much of an activator.
We opted for private tour that is focused more on nature and sight-seeing; and the overseas agency “Off The Map” did a great job in planning the itinerary. Some of the activities planned include whale watching in the fjords, kiss by the wolves, sami tent visit, scenic train ride, dog-sledding, ice hotel and of course nightly chase of the Northern Lights.
We booked our own flights and everything else was like on “remote control”. When we were on the flight there, we prayed that the planned trip would work out fine (as in the drivers and tour guides will come as they were supposed to at the stipulated timings). We were especially pleased that Norwegians and Swedes are really honest and trust-worthy folks. Everything worked like clock works and we had a fabulous trip. Oh, did I mention that it’s a trip for just us two? It has been 6 years since our honeymoon trip!
I just saw someone who resembles father quite a bit. The brows, gaze, cheeks, hairline, dress sense, the way he sits and walks and gestures “thank you’. Everything of him makes me think of father, except for his eyes, narrower face and nails. I can’t help but keep staring at him. My heart ached but yet skipped a beat.
Then shortly after this encounter, on a separate occasion, L commented again that yi ma’s daddy is in heaven. Every time she mentions him, I feel sad and have the aching pain in me.
Then I would tell her that Gong Gong would have loved to play with her cos she’s so cute n playful. And to that, she replied, “I’d like that.” That’s enough to put a smile on my face.
Falling sick is unavoidable and I dreaded that day to come.
And so it came. I wasn’t not feeling too well, had a headache, flu-like symptoms, giddy, nausea, sleep deprivation, night cough, fatigue and lethargy. My first response was to call in sick. Then I remembered that I can’t… cos I’m a SAHM.
Sometimes I think that working in the corporate world is a better deal. At least you get bonus, incentives, and all sorts of privileges and of course the basic perk of being able to call in sick if need be. As a SAHM, all these are non-existent. Sick/healthy, sad/happy, bad day/good day etc, SAHMs still have to do the job. There is little down-times, off-days, me-times as these are child-dependent. But weighing the pros and cons of this so-called “job”, the joy of looking after my kids and watching them grow is still a wonderful thing. Oh well, I still love my “job”. 🙂
So, it was my helper’s off-day and she took off in the morning. My mum agreed to come by to help me out. But S went out breakfast with his family; he brought L along. He picked mother up only after breakfast and by the time he got back; it was after 11am. I was all alone with Baby A and during that span of 3 hours, he pooped, cried (big time), had milk, dropped toys (numerous times) and played with me.
I was all exhausted by the time they returned and the first thing I said to S was, “What took you so long???????????????” Guess what his response was? S said, “How come Zena can do it and you can’t? You are a stay-at-home-mum!” Ok, that’s totally uncalled for and I was furious at his comments. I can bet my bottom dollar that he would not be able to do all that all on his own. Hmph!
L asked me if I’ve a father and a mother and I replied yes, of course. So I started explaining the family tree to her. My mother is Popo. She then asked about my father. I said my father is Gong Gong and he is in heaven. She said why? Told her that he was old, fell sick, passed away and went to heaven. She paused for a long time and we chatted about other things.
Then suddenly she said Gong Gong is in heaven. I was like….yes I know, we are talking about the same person. She asked if he’s there to meet his friends n I said yes. Then she asked who his friends are and I said his sister is one of them.
I explained further that when he passed away, he lives in our heart. Just as quickly but definitely after much considered thought, she asked when all of us die, whose heart do we live in. Coming out from a 3-year old plus girl, I think it’s pretty amazing.
She’s perceptive and is trying to understand abstract concepts. I guess death and divorce are difficult concepts for children.
Just now L asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I told her that I’m already a grown up and this is exactly what I’ve always wanted to be, a SAHM, so that I can nurture my kids and bring them up well.
L articulated that she wants be a doctor so she can heal those who are sick. I’m so impressed with her cos she not only is saying that but she’s also able to explain why she wants to be in that profession.
L said she dreamt of Botanic Gardens’ Cool House, Jacob Ballas and also little buns biscuits. So strange cos it’s these little things that she dreams of. They must mean a lot to her for her to dream of them. Hahaha!
In fact, L loves those little buns biscuits that she would get a bunch of keys and the biscuit tin in Por Por’s house and ask Por Por or Kous (my brother) to use the keys as lever to open the tin for her to eat those little buns biscuits. How smart for a toddler!